


Breathless

by NachoDiablo



Series: Itchy-Verse [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Allergies, Anaphylaxis, Asexual Character, Demisexual remus lupin, First Dates, First Kiss, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Sirius Black, James Potter is the biggest wolfstar trash, Medical Emergency, Other, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 08:45:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14209455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NachoDiablo/pseuds/NachoDiablo
Summary: Sirius is confident that their first date with Remus is going to be memorable, and it is... just not in the ways they expect.





	Breathless

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CanisConstellation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanisConstellation/gifts).



> Thank you CanisConstellation for the adorable premise, this was so much fun to write! You are an amazing person and you deserve all the genderfluid Sirius. <3
> 
> I'm owling three cartons of allergen-free ice cream to Hypocorism for reading this over and assuring that it was legible, RIP.
> 
> And thank you to everyone who encouraged me to write more in this universe! I hope you enjoy the story!

“I can’t find it, Prongs. Are you sure that’s what it’s called?”

“For the last time, yes! It’s Stan’s, and it’s vegan.”

Sirius is standing in the freezer section of the health food store, phone tucked between an ear and a shoulder, scowling at the myriad of non-dairy ice creams that are crammed on the shelves. They pick up a carton at random, turning it to read the ingredients label quickly.

“Just because it’s vegan doesn’t mean Remus can eat it. All this stuff has soy in it. Remus can’t have soy. Or dairy. Or strawberries. Or almonds. Or-”

“The Stan’s ice cream doesn’t have dairy or soy! It’s made from something else, coconut milk, I think. Can people with nut allergies eat coconut? I guess they can. Lily says he eats it all the time. Maybe it wasn’t Stan’s, maybe it was some other dude’s name...”

Sirius tunes out James as they continue to scan the ice cream selection. They don’t put much stock in James’ nutritional advice- he lives off of protein bars and Sweet Chili Doritos, for crying out loud- but Lily is trustworthy, especially since she and Remus share a fridge. 

Sirius notices a label out of the corner of their eye. They sigh heavily into the phone. “Did you mean Ben and Jerry’s? Those are almond milk based, and Remus can’t have almonds! Do you want me to murder him? On our first date? There’s no way Lily told you... Are you even listening? Why is the TV turned up so freaking loud?”

“I didn’t mean Ben and Jerry’s! Everyone knows Ben and Jerry’s. I would’ve remembered that. And the TV is not turned up too loud, just because I don’t have bat ears like yours that pick up every minute sound-”

“Steve’s! It’s Steve’s!” Sirius grabs a carton from the freezer and waves it in the air triumphantly. 

“Oh, right, that sounds familiar.” James’ voice sounds distracted as he turns the volume on the TV even louder. “Steve’s. That’s what I said.”

Sirius rolls their eyes. “You said  _ Stan’s, _ not Steve’s. Who the hell is Stan, you loser?”

“I said Steve’s, I don’t even know what you’re talking about. Whatever. Stop dragging me and get going on your date before that ice cream melts. Remus’ll never want to see you again if you give him melted ice cream.”

“Thanks for the support. Asshole.” Sirius is scowling again. They’re in no mood to deal with James’ taunting.

“You don’t need support. You two’ve been swooning over each other for the past year. At this point, you could straight up shank him and he’d probably still ask you on a second date.”

Sirius grins into the phone. “Like I said, thanks. Asshole.”

They hang up without waiting for a reply and continue to scrutinize the ice cream selection. Steve’s offers quite a few flavors, and obviously, Sirius has to pick the very best one, to ensure that Remus swoons into their arms on the beach, just like in those cheesy Lifetime movies that  _ somehow _ end up on the DVR, despite James’ claims of ignorance as to how they got there.

Sirius notices that not all of the Steve’s flavors are dairy free. Smiling smugly, Sirius makes sure to check the labels and ensure that they choose a non-dairy flavor. Salty Caramel. Perfect. Sophisticated and sexy. Not that they’re trying to be  _ sexy. _ They know Remus isn’t ready for that just yet, and neither are they, to be honest. 

Still, it’s important to throw the classy vibe out there, for future reference. Always be prepared, and all that. 

Sirius knows Remus is probably nervous about the date, so they’ve made an effort to make sure that he’s as comfortable as possible. Sirius has sent him Google directions to the meeting spot at the beach entrance, both walking and public transport. They’ve been checking the weather report religiously and sent Remus an updated report just this morning so that he would be able to dress in the appropriate amount of layers. They’ve made sure to toss an extra pair of sunglasses into their backpack in case Remus forgets to bring his own.

Sirius, of course, is not nervous at all. There’s nothing to be nervous about. This is just a friendly, casual date with a ridiculously cute boy with a killer smile, so there’s definitely, absolutely nothing to be nervous about.

As Sirius approaches the beach, they spot Remus standing by the entrance, zipped into a UCSC Banana Slugs hoodie, his hands shoved into the pockets of his board shorts. He’s tilting his head slightly, squinting his eyes as he scans the area.

Remus smiles brightly as he spots Sirius, giving a small wave that Sirius returns happily, striding over to the beach entrance confidently. As they exchange their hellos, Sirius moves to wrap an arm around Remus’ shoulders in a hug, but pauses with their arm mid-air, trying frantically to read Remus’ body language and see if he’s into it, or if he thinks it’s weird.

Sirius lets out a small sigh of relief when Remus grins and returns the hug. There’s no need to worry about being awkward, Sirius reminds themself. It might be their first date with Remus, but it’s still  _ Remus, _ the same Remus who has risked life and limb each week for the past year by patronizing Sirius’ soymilk stand at the farmer’s market despite his allergy. The same Remus who has just now complemented Sirius on the  _ they/them _ pronoun badge that’s pinned to their hoodie. Surely Remus won’t be put off by a little over-enthusiasm.

Still, Sirius knows that Remus is demisexual, and wants to be respectful of that. They release Remus from the hug quickly, holding out the reusable grocery bag in their hands proudly.

“Here you go. I picked up something for us to snack on while we walk.”

Remus peers into the bag, furrowing his brow in confusion. “You got us bags of frozen peas?”

“What? No!” Sirius flushes as they rummage through the bag. “Those are just makeshift ice packs.” With a flourish, Sirius fishes out the ice cream carton, along with two plastic spoons.

“Here we go! It’s the coconut milk brand, Steve’s? I heard you can eat that?” Sirius bites their lower lip nervously, ready to blame James and his shitty detective skills if Remus says no.

Sirius is relieved to see Remus break into a sunny smile as he accepts one of the spoons. “Yeah, I can eat that. It’s one of my favorites. Thank you so much for… I mean… this was really thoughtful of you.”

Sirius likes the way the faint blush on Remus’ cheeks accentuates his freckles. Sirius grins, shoving the grocery bag full of peas into their backpack. “No worries. It’s nice to be able to give you something that’s not gonna send you to the hospital for a change.”

“Well, you never know,” Remus says as they start walking towards the water’s edge. “I could get a toe bitten off by a horseshoe crab, and then you’ll have to take me to the hospital anyway.”

“Horseshoe crabs don’t bite,” Sirius points out with a smirk. “A shark could get you, though.”

“True,” Remus agrees, “but there are plenty of surfers out there. I figure a shark would get one of them first, so we’d have time to escape.”

“Alright,” Sirius says, unscrewing the top off the ice cream and offering the carton to Remus. “We’ll keep an eye out for the surfers. If one of them goes under, we make a run for it.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Remus says, digging his spoon into the ice cream and taking a large bite. His eyes widen as he licks his spoon clean. “Yum. Amazing.”

“Thanks, you’re pretty amazing yourself.” Sirius snickers as Remus rolls his eyes and bites back a smile.

“I mean… I’m not going to correct you. Everything’s amazing. The beach, the weather, the ice cream… the company…” Remus ducks his head and takes another bite of ice cream, avoiding Sirius’ gaze.

Sirius is practically bursting at the seams. This date  _ is _ amazing, and it’s only going to get even  _ more _ amazing, of course. Sirius is already coming up with ideas as to which coffee shop they can suggest for a post-ice cream cafe Americano… and which restaurant they can suggest for a post-coffee dinner… and which bar they can go to for a post-dinner drink… and then of course, there’s the second date, which has to be  _ even more amazing _ somehow…

Sirius digs a spoon into the ice cream, licking the spoon thoughtfully. “Remus,” Sirius asks, “do you surf at all? Because James has an extra wetsuit, and we could… Remus?”

Sirius trails off, noticing that Remus has gone quiet and dropped his spoon in the sand… and is wheezing loudly as he falls to the ground, fumbling frantically for his backpack with shaking fingers and swollen lips and bugged out eyes and...

“Holy shit!” Sirius flings the ice cream carton to the ground to help Remus open his backpack. Remus tries to unzip one of the inner pockets, but he’s dry heaving now, with a face full of hives and tears streaming down his cheeks. 

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh  _ shitshitshit!” _ Sirius snatches the backpack from Remus’ hands, unzipping the inner pocket and pulling out an EpiPen, which Sirius recognizes instantly from the video on  _ how to give another person an EpiPen shot _ that they’ve played on YouTube at least thirty times prior to this date. 

“Don’t die on me, Remus!” Sirius cries out frantically, shoving Remus into a seated position and yanking his board shorts up on one side. “You  _ can’t _ die, not before we’ve had our first kiss, damn it!” With a flourish, Sirius yanks the blue safety cap off the top of the pen and thrusts the orange tip firmly into the side of Remus’ thigh, breathing a heavy sigh of relief as the little  _ click _ sound indicates that they haven’t screwed it up and the medication is making its way safely into Remus’ bloodstream.

Still holding the EpiPen to Remus’ thigh with one hand, Sirius whips out their phone with their free hand, dialing 911 with their thumb and growling impatiently during the one and a half second wait time.

“Nine one one, what’s your emergency?” The calm, even tone on the phone line does nothing to sooth Sirius’ nerves.

“You have to send an ambulance immediately! I poisoned my boyfriend!”

Remus lets out a particularly loud wheeze as the 911 operator clears their throat.

“Um, could you give me a little more information, please?”

Sirius’ stomach knots as they realize what they’ve just said. “Um, I mean… he’s not officially my boyfriend or anything, it’s only our first date, but...”

“No, sweetie,” the operator says patiently, “I meant the part about you poisoning him? What happened?”

“I don’t  _ know _ what happened,” Sirius says miserably, “we were eating ice cream, but he eats this brand all the time, it’s not…” Sirus pauses, holding the phone against their ear with one shoulder and reaching down to fish the sticky ice cream carton out of the sand. Sirius’ blood runs cold as they peruse the ingredients, noting that the first two listed are  _ whole milk _ and  _ cream. _

“Oh  _ no, _ I… I bought the dairy kind.  _ How _ did I buy the dairy kind?” Sirius can’t bring themself to meet Remus’ eyes. They’d been so careful at the store, reading over all the labels and choosing the correct one. How the hell did they manage to screw up so badly?

“Okay, so your boyfriend is lactose intolerant? Or does he have a milk allergy?”

“Allergy,” Sirius mutters into the phone. “I just shot him with the EpiPen. Oh  _ shit, _ I poisoned him and stabbed him on our first date. James told me this would happen. I swear I’m going to-”

“Is James your boyfriend, sweetie?” The operator is being maddeningly calm about all this, which is just flustering Sirius even more.

“Gross! James is  _ not _ my boyfriend, he… Remus, my boyfriend’s name is Remus, but he’s not my… wait a minute, why do you care? Can you just send an ambulance already?” Sirius is scowling now.

“An ambulance is going to be pretty pricey, sweetie, even with insurance. Now you tell me, how is Remus doing? Is he breathing alright?”

Sirius hazards a glance over towards Remus, who is still alarmingly flushed and breathing heavily, though the swelling on his face has gone down considerably. He flashes Sirius a shaky smile. “I… I can breathe… feeling… kinda nauseous but… okay…”

“He says he feels nauseous, but he can breathe,” Sirius parrots back to the operator. 

“Alright then, why don’t you call a friend or an Uber and take him to the ER, okay? That’ll probably be faster, anyway. Are you able to do that?”

“Yes,” Sirius says, nodding to themself, “I can do that. And you promise he’ll be okay?”

“He’ll be fine,” says the operator cheerfully, “but you better treat that boy right on your second date, you hear me?”

“Yes,” Sirius says sulkily. “Thanks for your help.” Sirius ends the call with a click, swiping in an Uber request and stuffing their phone into their back pocket sullenly.

“Well,” Sirius says morosely, helping Remus to his feet, wrapping an arm around him and steering him gently back towards the beach entrance, “I’m sorry for trying to murder you on our date. I could’ve sworn I picked the right ice cream but…” Sirius sighs dejectedly. “I get it, if you don’t want to go on a second date, but if you give me another chance, I promise I can make it up to you.”

Sirius is alarmed when they hear Remus start wheezing again, but their look of concern quickly turns to a scowl as they notice that Remus isn’t  _ wheezing,  _ he’s  _ laughing. _

“What’s so funny?” Sirius asks.

“This… this isn’t even... in my top five worst dates,” Remus says, a weak smile on his face as he looks over at Sirius. “Like I said… everything was… amazing. And you… you saved me. Jumped right into action. Like… like a badass.”

A small, pleased grin spreads across Sirius’ face. “Yeah, I was pretty amazing. And you know, now that you’ve seen my life saving skills in action, you can be confident that when I take you surfing on our second date, I’ll be able to fend off the sharks, no problem.”

“Well… let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Remus says softly. Sirius blanches for a moment before noticing the smirk on Remus’ face as he stops walking and turns towards Sirius, resting a hand on their waist. “We can’t just… jump to the second date… or the boyfriend thing... right away… not when you still owe me a first kiss… since I didn’t die on you, and all.”

Sirius lets out an embarrassed huff before cupping Remus’ face gently and pulling him in for a light kiss, letting their lips brush against Remus’ slightly puffy ones softly. It only lasts a moment, but it’s long enough for Sirius’ heartbeat to speed up considerably as they pull apart and stare at each other with starstruck grins.

And even though Remus throws up onto Sirius’ flip-flop clad feet immediately afterwards, it’s still the most amazing first kiss, ever.

**Author's Note:**

> Steve's offers the salted caramel flavor in both dairy and non-dairy options, which is definitely confusing, so I'm sure Remus won't hold it against Sirius! It's the thought that counts, right?
> 
> And yes, I have called 911 and been advised to just drive to the ER myself, because the US healthcare system is that shitty.
> 
> I appreciate all the lovely comments and messages that encouraged me to finish this story; y'all are the best! <3 <3 <3
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr (@nachodiablo) freaking out about Wolfstar and all things Marauders.


End file.
